HI! This is Ice and The Face #165 -8.16.17- and it is here to pick your mind-scabs! Tonight, Rick and Sarah, grab some shovels, wear bullet proof vests, and venture out into the jungles of normie-land. With our Rambo knives at the ready, we dig deep through the wet mud and mystery-dung of human behavior, gagging and dry heaving, to bring you some lighthearted this and that on such burning and itching topics as: Lift-tip contraception, unique bathroom troubles, blaming groundhogs for nefarious behavior, John Ritter’s testicles, a bear who stole a Subaru, police helicopters and nude people, burning your house down to get rid of bees, opiates and Pizza Hut, robberies gone wrong, Taco Bell Tabasco Pop Rocks, butt tubes for fireworks, Donkey sex diseases, doughnut burgers, mishaps shaving your nether region, married unknowing biological twins, strip club buffets, banging coconuts, and a whole lot more! Thank you all very much for listening!
Recently, within one single week, I drove behind three separate cars who applied their turn signal, and then, turned in the opposite direction. I found this problematic….but not right away. When it’s one person, I can be all like, “Uh…what an asshole.” I can accept any handful of human meteorites who absolutely HAD to cross my path because I seem to be a magnet for this sort of thing. However, even a magnet with this kind of Herculean strength should never witness this same dumbass identical event on three fucking separate occasions in one single week.
The second one happened. Blinker on, opposite turn. This is a huge and, I believe, understandable semi-slow, “What…the..fuck…” moment. It is a little shocking when it dawns on you that this JUST happened like a day or two ago. You start thinking things like, “Something is going on here. I’m going to tell so and so about this later…” And then, you may or may not remember to tell so and so later, but when the third fucking time happens…
When the third fucking time happens, you write articles about it because this is an event that just may illustrate a backslide in human progression. A reached peak. Why did it happen? Why did the stats change so suddenly? Were people on their phones? Are folks so wrapped up in themselves, they can’t muster the common courtesy of paying just enough attention to the outside world to guarantee a correct blinker selection? Or, are folks just slobbering garbage cans of meat and barely discernible thoughts melting in an invisible cloud of ever-expanding global radiation we used to just assume was oxygen?
I’d like to say it doesn’t matter. Just cap this off and accept it as three random similar dumb occurrences. Who knows? Maybe it’s not a sign of the apocalypse after all, but I know this; you can follow the rules all you want, but we are only SEMI-programmable chaos, so be careful when it comes to the human condition because nothing has ever actually happened until it’s actually happened.
YO! This is Ice and The Face #164 -8.5.17- and today, we embark on an epic journey of the mind, of the senses… of the heart. With the accompaniment of Sarah’s cousin, Krystal, we strap on our finest bear-pelts, spikiest post-apocalyptic ruffled bloomers, and head for the flaming hills of what was once referred to as “civilized society” wherein we tackle such explosive topics as: Anti-pervert flamethrowers, fixing your sinuses with butt stuff, touching other people’s food, over-wiping, drunk fish problems, porn store ponderings, cement face injections, wiley tourist complaints, NY orgasm stylists, undeclared meats, getting off to the Emoji Movie, confused crabs and unfortunate oyster imposters, and a whole lot more! Thank you all very much for listening!
Oh hey! THIS is Ice and The Face #163 -7.30.17- and it is here to cram its way inside your head and donkey punch your thoughts! Tonight, Sarah and Rick walk up to life’s bay window and have a seat, and together, we watch normie-living in awe and simultaneous horror! Careful not to be seen, we bear witness to a plethora of semi-human activities and for your pleasure, add a sort of DVD commentary, if you will, to fill your eager ears with an in depth look at such zany topics as: Goats, gelatin based diets, worshiping mutated animals, shirtless cab drivers, cab drivers with zany opinions, fake eyelashes and insects, a KFC nightclub, the emerging sex doll head market, sad facial recognition tech at Walmart, Prosecco pong, baby fight club, renting sex dolls, and a whole lot more! Thank you all very much for listening!
HI! This is Ice and The Face #162 -7.20.17- and after teaching our cat how to fly a kite and get sweet abs, we decided to grace your head-wounds with a series of miserable side-quests you wish you didn’t have to deal with in order to hit 100%! On this journey, guided by the stupor of a blind man named Stonz, we venture forth into the great unknown, and find out it isn’t all that great. In fact, we find out that “great” in “great unknown” is just more of a catchphrase than anything relating to real life. So, I guess, just follow us through the lava-pits of hell we call the human condition, and probably do some drugs too, or whatever. So grab your sturdiest leather harness, saddle up, and let your ears rejoice in such topics as: The benefits of not naming your baby, sex in medieval times, a rock shaped like a penis in Norway, police in a stand off with an empty house for 14 hours, old school law, recreating the penis from scratch, testicles and evolution, meat and your sex drive, drowning during baptism, Mike Tyson henna tattoo burns, legally eating roadkill, a guy stuck inside an ATM machine, pulling your kids in a wagon behind your car, swords in Texas, the father of a bride struck by lightning, finding dead rodents in your food, and a whole lot more! Thank you all very much for listening!
Oh, hi there! THIS is Ice and The Face #161 -7.13.17- and it is here to reach that part you can’t reach! Tonight, Rick and Sarah welcome back the overlord of TMH2.com, John Lacki! Together, we splash through the mud of everyday life, retching and giggling maniacally, pointing and commenting on this and that! And, as we dip and dodge past giant swooping insects of failure, we bring to you the rotten meaty and stinking truths of such enormously important topics as: Bro jobs, lost and found breast implants, emergency room ethics, gluten free bread and the catholic church, bottled saliva sales, the donkey skin trade, donkey sympathy, forcing folks to shop at Target at gun point, blood and violence between Star Trek and Star Wars fans, parents saying embarrassing things on FB, selfies with dead bears, stabbing brains, and a whole lot more! Thank you all very much for listening!
Hello! This is Ice and The Face #160 -7.7.17- and tonight Sarah and Rick un-stick themselves from the flypaper of life in order to rearrange your most disgusting thoughts into a more manageable series of horrible memories. Join us on this light-hearted romp through the nether regions of the human condition, and you too will understand the path to true enlightenment is a hop skip, and a frolic away. Bathe your basted mind-meats in such topics as: Frolicking, the female condom, splinters in toilet paper, vegetable abuse, heat resistant cows, human hump beer, driverless police cars, self-driving car that hate kangaroos, eating other people to cure diabetes, gluttony, stroking your mom’s leg hair, peeing in the sink, grandma slapping, beating up a sex robot of yourself, and a whole lot more! Thank you all very much for listening!
Welcome to the dream! Ice and The Face #159 -6.29.17- is here to soothe all that burning you’re dealing with! Tonight, Rick and Sarah go Yankee-doodling with a person for sure, Stonz! Together, we get to rock climbing, lifting ourselves far above the dark city of regular normie life. Looking down in total confusion, sneering with great abandon and unmitigated gall, we allow our senses to absorb as much as three human beings can possibly endure to expend cleanly filtered truths on such zany topics as: Hobby-horsing, hot dog drones, humanoid hot dog issues, evidently irritating men’s clothing, hairy men, vests, car horns that quack, 17th century fart jars, Porta-Potty huffing, strange bar rules, how diamonds and gold are stupid, the impending helium shortage, and a whole lot more! Thank you all very much for listening!
YES! You came! This is Ice and The Face #158 -6.19.17- and it is here to throw hot sand into your mind’s eye! 😀 Tonight, Rick and Sarah join hands and go spelunking into the dank dark earth caves of normie life! Wearing hats with lights on them and swatting away the occasional bat, we do our best to wax philosophical on a laundry list of normie behaviors ranging all the way from hither to thither. Examples include: Cheap robot priests, why there’s no Uncle Day, shutting up your kids with potatoes, the intricacies of free-balling, testicles with love handles, shotguns that blast cereal, trying to make a quick get-away in first gear, Ken Ham’s stupid ark, and a whole lot more! Thank you all very much for listening!
Well look at YOU! THIS is Ice and The Face #157 -6.12.17- and it will bleed your mind’s feet until the demons have been exorcised! Tonight, Rick and Sarah huddle beneath a giant black storm cloud of normie activities and stand in absolute AWE, shielding ourselves with an iron umbrella, peeking out occasionally with eyes wide to subject our minds to the horrors of normie living in order unveil the dark truths on such jubilant topics as: Modest penises, politician porn preferences, issues with coughing, accidentally fighting crocodiles to impress girls, home dentistry at Wal-Mart, goose poop at Disney Land, Pirate Joe’s VS Trader Joe’s, habits that lead to break ups, professional fish hit men, emotional support attack dogs, people TOO excited for warm Bud Light, “underwater bridges”, and a whole lot more! Thank you all very much for listening!