Hello creatures of Earth, and welcome to the germ-infested episode #169 of Ice and The Face on 10.6.17! Tonight we saddle-up our most diseased microbes, ride the human waste fields of this sad and miserable Earth-sewer, and, after a long and arduous journey, declare ourselves victorious atop the cesspool of human misery with cupcakes and helium balloons. On tonight’s episode, we take you on a romp hither and thither with such mind-blowing topics as: Fun with sauerkraut, Big Foot Juice, Candle-Day accidents, questionable bank robbery, old school social niceties, the ins and outs of saying god bless you, Xena the Warrior Princess and baths, hand-written letters, digging up graves for treasures, covered wagon etiquette, graveyard real estate, respect for the anus, wiping with too much enthusiasm, toothbrushes and toilets, how aliens would see humans, hacking smart butt plugs, stealing breast milk, strangers eating your waste, fun with severed hands, and a whole lot more! Thank you all very much for listening!
There are days, like the ones I have had lately, where the word “chronic” literally rings through my head every few minutes. Constantly popping its head back up like a curse. It is the word that engulfs my entire existence, and even during times when symptoms are a bit reduced, the truth of the word follows every action I manage to achieve.
Being in my mid-thirties, now, I have lived through seeing many people I know or are connected to, get ill from various illnesses; some much rarer or confusing than others, and many of them very painful or complicated. After finding treatment, going through the healing process, they continue on, somewhat changed and more grateful for their health, to live the rest of their lives. I honestly can’t imagine what that might be like. Of course I have had many temporary things wrong with me through the years, whether they were illness or injury, just like you probably have, but all those things, from the least to the most painful, are so very different than what it is like to have a chronic illness and chronic pain.
I think it is pretty human to get used to things as they are once they are the same for long enough. I imagine this is why people say things like “time heals all wounds”, or “it gets easier every day”, when something terrible happens. Obviously the idea is that the bad thing has happened, life is continuing on, and the longer you spend living back in that reality, the more the terrible thing starts to fade from your foremost thoughts and emotions.
I say that to try to impress on you the true heartbreak a life of chronic pain and illness carry along with it. As symptoms flare and subside, which can happen for days, weeks, months, or even a year, we get used to the new reality. If we are “lucky” enough to have something that has hurt for five years finally start to subside for a small amount of time, our human nature, the part that lets all wounds heal with time, cannot help but get used to that small new freedom. It isn’t without complete skepticism, of course. I am well aware that any one of my symptoms subsiding momentarily just means they will be back at some later point. When that later point finally shows up, though, the heartbreak is hard to explain. “Chronic” also means a life of chronic disappointment. Something you could do last week isn’t necessarily going to be something you can do an hour from now. When enough hours have passed, though, where you could do it, the moment it is snatched away again leaves a hole much bigger than the last time it happened. The holes get so big over time that the abyss it creates swallows you, sometimes completely.
As you grow older with a chronic illness, you have to accept new losses completely outside of yourself. When everyone I knew had just graduated high school and were planning to go to college, I was calling the admissions office of the school of my dreams to keep persuading them to push off my start date because at the time I had a home nurse and was on IV medicine. I did this over and over again, so thoroughly determined to achieve this dream of mine. Except that dream, and many more, would never really be achieved. After so many delays I was finally told I would have to reapply for admission, understandably. I never did. I would never be in a position after that point where moving out of state, on my own, and doing every little thing from morning to night that every normal person does, would be achievable to me alone.
So you watch as everyone moves on to new aspects of their adulthood. Exploring the things they love and discovering what might one day end up being their careers. It happens around you much the same way you see those clips in movies where everyone in a city is moving sped up but the camera is focused on the one still person in the crowd. You watch the entire world move and grow around you, and you do not grow with it. You do not move on, you do not enter these different phases of life most adults you know do, because you simply cannot.
HI! This is Ice and The Face #162 -7.20.17- and after teaching our cat how to fly a kite and get sweet abs, we decided to grace your head-wounds with a series of miserable side-quests you wish you didn’t have to deal with in order to hit 100%! On this journey, guided by the stupor of a blind man named Stonz, we venture forth into the great unknown, and find out it isn’t all that great. In fact, we find out that “great” in “great unknown” is just more of a catchphrase than anything relating to real life. So, I guess, just follow us through the lava-pits of hell we call the human condition, and probably do some drugs too, or whatever. So grab your sturdiest leather harness, saddle up, and let your ears rejoice in such topics as: The benefits of not naming your baby, sex in medieval times, a rock shaped like a penis in Norway, police in a stand off with an empty house for 14 hours, old school law, recreating the penis from scratch, testicles and evolution, meat and your sex drive, drowning during baptism, Mike Tyson henna tattoo burns, legally eating roadkill, a guy stuck inside an ATM machine, pulling your kids in a wagon behind your car, swords in Texas, the father of a bride struck by lightning, finding dead rodents in your food, and a whole lot more! Thank you all very much for listening!
Oh, hi there! THIS is Ice and The Face #161 -7.13.17- and it is here to reach that part you can’t reach! Tonight, Rick and Sarah welcome back the overlord of TMH2.com, John Lacki! Together, we splash through the mud of everyday life, retching and giggling maniacally, pointing and commenting on this and that! And, as we dip and dodge past giant swooping insects of failure, we bring to you the rotten meaty and stinking truths of such enormously important topics as: Bro jobs, lost and found breast implants, emergency room ethics, gluten free bread and the catholic church, bottled saliva sales, the donkey skin trade, donkey sympathy, forcing folks to shop at Target at gun point, blood and violence between Star Trek and Star Wars fans, parents saying embarrassing things on FB, selfies with dead bears, stabbing brains, and a whole lot more! Thank you all very much for listening!
Hello! This is Ice and The Face #160 -7.7.17- and tonight Sarah and Rick un-stick themselves from the flypaper of life in order to rearrange your most disgusting thoughts into a more manageable series of horrible memories. Join us on this light-hearted romp through the nether regions of the human condition, and you too will understand the path to true enlightenment is a hop skip, and a frolic away. Bathe your basted mind-meats in such topics as: Frolicking, the female condom, splinters in toilet paper, vegetable abuse, heat resistant cows, human hump beer, driverless police cars, self-driving car that hate kangaroos, eating other people to cure diabetes, gluttony, stroking your mom’s leg hair, peeing in the sink, grandma slapping, beating up a sex robot of yourself, and a whole lot more! Thank you all very much for listening!
Welcome to the dream! Ice and The Face #159 -6.29.17- is here to soothe all that burning you’re dealing with! Tonight, Rick and Sarah go Yankee-doodling with a person for sure, Stonz! Together, we get to rock climbing, lifting ourselves far above the dark city of regular normie life. Looking down in total confusion, sneering with great abandon and unmitigated gall, we allow our senses to absorb as much as three human beings can possibly endure to expend cleanly filtered truths on such zany topics as: Hobby-horsing, hot dog drones, humanoid hot dog issues, evidently irritating men’s clothing, hairy men, vests, car horns that quack, 17th century fart jars, Porta-Potty huffing, strange bar rules, how diamonds and gold are stupid, the impending helium shortage, and a whole lot more! Thank you all very much for listening!
YES! You came! This is Ice and The Face #158 -6.19.17- and it is here to throw hot sand into your mind’s eye! 😀 Tonight, Rick and Sarah join hands and go spelunking into the dank dark earth caves of normie life! Wearing hats with lights on them and swatting away the occasional bat, we do our best to wax philosophical on a laundry list of normie behaviors ranging all the way from hither to thither. Examples include: Cheap robot priests, why there’s no Uncle Day, shutting up your kids with potatoes, the intricacies of free-balling, testicles with love handles, shotguns that blast cereal, trying to make a quick get-away in first gear, Ken Ham’s stupid ark, and a whole lot more! Thank you all very much for listening!
Well look at YOU! THIS is Ice and The Face #157 -6.12.17- and it will bleed your mind’s feet until the demons have been exorcised! Tonight, Rick and Sarah huddle beneath a giant black storm cloud of normie activities and stand in absolute AWE, shielding ourselves with an iron umbrella, peeking out occasionally with eyes wide to subject our minds to the horrors of normie living in order unveil the dark truths on such jubilant topics as: Modest penises, politician porn preferences, issues with coughing, accidentally fighting crocodiles to impress girls, home dentistry at Wal-Mart, goose poop at Disney Land, Pirate Joe’s VS Trader Joe’s, habits that lead to break ups, professional fish hit men, emotional support attack dogs, people TOO excited for warm Bud Light, “underwater bridges”, and a whole lot more! Thank you all very much for listening!