In case you didn’t know, I (Sarah) have run a comedy site called Spookymeat for about sixteen years, now. I made the commitment, several years ago, to review every single terrible episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark? So, with that said, here is both Rick and I’s review of the final episode of season one. Head over to Spookymeat to check it out.
This is Ice and The Face #150 – 4.16.17 – The Easter Time Jubilee. On this bizarre holiday, Sarah and Rick decide to crouch behind the bushes of normie life, and watch as folks damn near murder one another over chocolate eggs. It’s a real funny time. After the Easter Time slayings slow to a gentle screaming stop, we shuffle through topic after topic in our Sunday best, skipping and whistling tunes about such hot goings-on as: Easter and all that goes with that, Peeps, headless & footless chickens, fast food conspiracies, Pan-Cake drink, kickball problems, human nutrition facts, tongue ice pops, when releasing doves goes all wrong, a nurdle of toothpaste, owning a house vs living in an apartment, angry clowns, an unfortunate knit shark blanket, and whole lot more! Thank you all very much for listening!
Let’s go for a ride! Welcome to Ice and The Face #149 -4.6.17… hope you got your bug spray and tweezers! Tonight, we welcome returning guest and family favorite, Tony Tedesco! As we merrily breathe the toxic air with great abandon, we take turns identifying different stinks beneath a mushroom cloud of a new tomorrow, chuckling at the various origins and getting deep in the science of each normie topic, such as: Fun with fingertips, fun with hefting, Xena, insect…issues, a man who built a wife from scratch, vulgar slang from colonial times, twiddle diddles, Tyrannosaurus Rex foreplay you wouldn’t believe, the craziest apartment in Brooklyn, the Medieval turducken, crazy stuff about oats, safe words, KFC in the mail, and whole lot more! Thank you all very much for listening!
Over the weekend I saw two things that really drove home the completely miserable state of affairs that is the human race. Whilst driving to a place that serves alcohol, Rick and I were stopped at a light when I saw two men, probably in their mid-fifties, walking down the sidewalk. One guy was carrying a metal canister that clearly read “GASOLINE” in big, red, ironic letters along the front. I will also point out they were walking away from a gas station farther up the road, so, so far, it all makes sense. The one guy, with an unlit cigarette hanging out of his troglodyte-like face, leaned forward, and with the same hand the gas canister was dangling from, he held up his hand to his mouth to guard from wind as he lit his cigarette with the other. I started yelling about what a fucking moron he was, and his friend, in a shockingly clear-minded twist, grabbed the can from him in a quick, rebuking fashion. The last thing I saw before driving off were the two, stained-yellow shirt-wearing guys, both walking side by side, with their now-lit cigarettes hanging from their mouths, and the canister hanging from the friend’s meaty hand. I took it as one of those “it can’t happen to me, gasoline only explodes in the faces of other idiots who light fires next to a large, fume-emitting can like this” moment.
The second thing I saw that made me reflect on the shittiness of humanity, was, not surprisingly, at the grocery store. Or, to be more exact, directly outside of the grocery store. A tiny sparrow kept hopping back and forth to the middle of the walkway into the store, dodging the threatening feet of oblivious, retarded humans. He was doing his damned best to eat an enormous gummy worm lying on the ground, probably dropped by some sticky, over-sugared, child. The bird, whose natural food, in part, are worms was struggling to eat this technicolor chemical-nightmare, formed into the shape of something nature actually makes in bounties. How fucked up. That bird is all of us. It’s a deep statement about us all. Stop going for the food-shaped chemical shit storms, and get back to what our bodies were intended to thrive on.
I am happy to report that the gummy worm seemed massively too big for the tiny bird to get any part of, so at least he won’t go exploding, or whatever it is sparrows do when they eat our shitty human garbage.
ALOHA! This is Ice and The Face #148 -3.30.17- and it will unleash a firestorm of brainwaves so hot your mind will melt! Tonight, Sarah and Rick roll out a tattered, puke-stained, red carpet for our “special” guest, Stonz! As a team, we stand beneath the Volcano of Stupidity, and marvel at the sheer size of the idiotic plume of idiotic ashes! Shielding our delicate eyes from the volcanic splatterings of improperly expelled human energies, we put on gas masks and navigate our way out the jungles of normie-living to excavate some inconvenient truths on such astounding topics as: Kids crapping in a plastic toilet at the bar, infants at the strip club, Jon Gosselin for some reason, a guy humping a cement mixer, neanderthal romance, prehistoric dildos/hammers, Wheel of Fortune mishaps, Coca-Cola and human feces, problems with a guy’s anus and a bull’s horn, bad ideas for reality TV, a girl whose shadow looks like Rihanna, interesting historical dates, a Santa who sells cocaine, a guy who took a dump in a confessional booth because God told him to, a guy who built his own tank, testicles that clack or spark, and a whole lot more! Thank you all very much for listening!
Why hello there! This is Ice and The Face #147 -3.23.17- and it will numb all your life-sores! Tonight, Rick and Sarah welcome back, Lord of SuperTMH2.com, John Lacki! Join us, as we make camp in the dystopian wilderness, observing normies in their natural habitat. Hear us, as we document the findings and make hypotheses on such off the cuff topics as: Failed fast food ideas, people whose reality show was cancelled unbeknownst to them, how to eat your friends, sex dolls equipped with family-mode, big foot meat, etiquette for escaping from prison, finger hot dogs, mysteriously finding yourself on dating sites, poisoning your spouse for sleeping purposes, Burger King chickens, drinking vodka before work by accident, and a whole lot more! Thank you all very much for listening!
There you are! Welcome to Ice and The Face #146 – 3.14.17! Tonight, Sarah and Rick swim through the chunky sewage of human behavior, only to boldly wash up on the shores of the sad and confused. After peeling our skin off and waiting for new to grow back, covered in bucket loads of hand-sanitizer, we navigate through the jungles of insanity to merrily harvest the truths of such epic topics as: Avatars of your dead loved ones, a woman who birthed 69 children, real doll sex toy rental prices, vending machines from around the world, honoring the dead with fireworks, when turning yourself in goes wrong, Pizza Hut shoes, blue cheese chunks, fun with mailbox slots, a cow in the road, and a whole lot more! Thank you all very much for listening!
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Hey you crazy cats, Sarah here. Just wanted to give a huge thank you to all the #PodernFamily peeps who sent me well-wishes after I bashed my cranium and body parts into sharp and heavy objects. For those who don’t know the whole story, I’ll give a quick recap. I have type-1 Diabetes, and woke up with extremely low sugar. With sugar that low a few things start to happen. As your body is using whatever glucose you have in you to fuel your heart so it continues to pump, other, less important things do not get glucose they need.
So, my ability to control emotion, make memories, or understand what the fuck is happening, is entirely impaired. Also, when it gets that low, walking around feels like being on one of those wiggly bridges at a funhouse. It is very hard to keep any balance, and with the fact that I was losing consciousness on top of everything else, getting to any form of sugar was a struggle I did not win. I collapsed into a shelf, bashed my eyelid area open, looked down covered in blood, and no ability to stand. I crawled to the front door, managed to get it unlocked, and hung out into the apartment hallway screaming for help. Cops and paramedics, along with an ambulance ride to the emergency room for a cat scan of my head, and a patch job, and I was able to leave. The next day felt like I had been in a really fucked up car accident. I managed to obtain gashes on my head, my entire left cheek was a bruise, both knees bruised, the back of my right arm, my right elbow, my hip, lower back, and wrist were all bruised. I still am not entirely sure the creative way a person would need to fall to obtain all of those.
But either way, now you know how it all (literally) went down. And I can’t thank everyone enough for thinking of me and sending me messages. We took a two week break, but now we are back in the groove and ready for action! You guys are the best! #PodernFamily forevers!
There you are! THIS is Ice and The Face #145 -2.26.17- and guaranteed it will give you more pleasure than a back-massager from your local novelty shop! Tonight, Sarah and Rick welcome back, low-level esteemed guest, Stonz! Together, we wear normie-camouflage and tip-toe through the brush and bush of this inexplicably under-evolved human landscape, bearing witness to whacky, even zany, human behaviors, barely making it out alive to bring you some serious truth on hot-button issues such as: Stylish condoms, nipple-scrapbooking, vagina glue, Mamma June, tricks to find a stolen car quickly, getting married at Taco Bell, accidentally texting unsavory info to your boss, gross people in public, dogs who shoot first, internet possessed dolls, Victorian era sheep skin condoms, and a whole lot more! Thank you all very much for listening!
YO! This is Ice and The Face #144 -2.16.17- and it will help you forget about all that stuff from your life! Tonight, Sarah and Rick welcome back, musician extraordinaire and famous AF guy, Rick Barry! Together, we join forces with a magical mud-skipper, who guides us through the wet and sloppy world of the normies in order to keep us from being consumed by behavior that can only be described as partially explicable, and once we’ve traversed this garbage-like landscape, we gaily present you with such overtly incredible topics as: Condom fun, other fun types of contraception, the pain of the friend-zone, Burger King sex toys, secretly turning your home into a den of discreet sex toys, Dick Street, funeral selfies, a guy with gold in his arse, depression over polar bears, complaints of a billionaire, plastic surgery gone wrong, fun funeral DVD’s, breaking your lease with death, and a whole lot more! Thank you all very much for listening!